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September 3rd, 2005


12:16 pm
jimbo....is moving in with me. yes.
Current Mood: excitedexcited

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10:25 am - i would hold the key...

i would hold the key...

i am alive. call me or text me. 238-2419.


Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Faith Hill - Cry

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July 6th, 2005


12:24 am - i learned what love is...

i learned what love is...

so i guess everybody had a pretty great 4th. mine was ok. it had its good parts. and it had a lot of bad parts. so around 11 i went with JIMBO (are you happy now :) just kiddin) and ate and saw a movie. it was good to hang out with him again. i haven't done that in a long time. i've missed him. we shot fireworks at cars and at my mom. :) i got my swimsuit and we went and picked up some stuff and went to east beach. fun time. stuart taught me how to skimboard. so did this little kid who was like 6. he was really sweet. he is gonna be a heartbreaker when he gets older. then patrick, jt, seth, and taylor came down there. it was ok. i managed to not cry in front of him. yes...i miss him. yes...i will always love him. i just get upset seeing him because of how things ended. over a dumb fucking rumor. nat believes me. finally. some people are starting to. the only thing i wish...well that might actually happen...is for him to genuinely believe me. if he never wants to talk to me again. fine. if he never wants to see me again. fine. if he never wants anything to do with me again. fine. all i want is for him to belive the truth.

as we used to think...love is patient. love is kind. it does not envy. it does not boast. love is not proud. it is not self seeking. it is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs. and above all things love rejoices not in evil but in truth...love never fails.

 


Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: Mandy Moore - From Loving You

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July 3rd, 2005


01:18 am - i can't keep my eyes off of you...

i can't keep my eyes off of you...

i haven't updated in a long time. thats ok though. the past two days have been crazy. i was at work talking to j.t. and seth and of course i had to ask them. i was relieved when they told me. i didn't know if i was ready to feel everything again. then...i saw him. i couldn't stop myself from crying. just feeling everything. wanting to say so much...but knowing i couldn't, and if i did, it wouldn't make a difference. i'm ok though. it was good to see him. it was good to see him happy. that's all i could ever want for him. it's been bugging me though. and then today i pull up to work a little bit early and i see lafawnduh the honda. i was freaking out. i walk in and immediately we started talking. we ran back to the conference room and talked about everything. it felt good to let everything out. we are back to normal now. that is the best feeling because we have both missed eachother so much and she finally believes me now. about the whole kevin thing. that means so much. coming from sombody that i really care about. it feels so good to know that after everything that i went through because of his lie, at least i have one thing back in my life. she was always a good friend. i've missed her a lot. all the jokes. all the noises. all the memories. it is good to be able to get back to what we once were. i'm happy. i guess it just takes time. maybe after this...other people will start believing me. i am just tired of the drama. the bullshit. i know what i have done. i know what i haven't done. i have beliefs. i have morals. if people knew me for who i am, they wouldn't even have to second guess the rumors. i'm growing up a lot this summer. it is really good for me. i've realized i can't make everyone happy. i can't control what people think about me. i have learned to deal with rumors. i have learned to deal with loss. i'm really becoming a better person for this. i just hope it continues to go like this...

countdown till ashes returns: 2 days...since it's technically sunday right now.

i love yall. more than you'll ever know.


Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Lifehouse - You and Me

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June 9th, 2005


10:23 pm - what i pretend to be...

what i pretend to be...

yikes...lately it has been rough. still...i'm not gettin any better. i've been spending most of my time with ash and the guys. i've missed them a lot. j mill, jas, james, shork, casey, steven, shane, layne, and everybody. ash has been the best. providing me with lots of encouraging words and support. i don't know where i would be without her. and the boys have been great too. providing lots of distractions. constantly trying to make me smile, laugh, and most of all...be happy. im so glad things are gettin back to the way they used to be. i've missed those guys. they've been like my brothers for a long time, and they are always there for me. i'm really grateful. i really don't feel like updating on anything else. everything else has pretty much sucked. i'll update later. so much for updating everyday...

<3 i don't cry on the outside anymore


Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson

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June 2nd, 2005


02:02 pm - pretend that you're feelin a little more pain...

pretend that you're feelin a little more pain...

i am tired of this. dreamin about him. waking up crying. i can't handle it. it sucks. i don't know if i've ever been this heartbroken. oh well...i just hope he is happy. because that is all i want for him. i'm goin to be ok. i think. it's just goin to take me a lot of time. on the other hand...more news from the gossip mill. it seems like my rumors have moved to a few mouths in biloxi. not you e. don't worry. it just sucks, so bad, because these people don't know me. they don't know who i am. they have no idea. it hate this. rumors ruin everything. friendships, relationships...in my case...love. who knows...i will always have hope in the back of my mind that it will work out someday...but...all i can do is hope. if it's meant to be, it will happen. it's scary not having that under my control. i wish it was. more than anything. i guarentee i would be a lot happier right now. oh well...i'm about to get ready for work. if you need me...i'll be here.

<3 mollie


Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Faith Hill - Cry

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June 1st, 2005


04:26 pm - let me clear some things up...

let me clear some things up...

let me just make a list of some rumors that have been ruining relationships, friendships, and my life :

me and kevin plash had sex...NOT TRUE.
THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. CONSIDERING AT THE TIME I HAD A BOYFRIEND I LOVED WITH ALL MY HEART and NATALIE IS HIS EX GIRLFRIEND. NO MATTER HOW MUCH BULLSHIT IS BETWEEN ME AND NAT, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HER. PLUS...he is not attractive to me. he will NEVER be attractive to me.

me and mitchell are getting back together...NOT TRUE.
DEFINITELY...THE BIGGEST BULLSHIT EVER. GETTING BACK INTO THAT RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE...AND YET AGAIN. THAT WAS AT A TIME WHEN I HAD A BOYFRIEND I LOVED WITH ALL MY HEART. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HIM. AND TRUTHFULLY, I CAN'T SAY ANYMORE ABOUT THAT. MY CLOSE FRIENDS KNOW HOW IT WAS, AND THEY KNOW IT WOULD NEVER CHANGE.

me and chad jay are getting together...NOT TRUE.
FIRST OFF...THE SOURCE OF THIS ONE...JOHN FLOYD. NEED I SAY MORE. REALLY. I WOULD NEVER GET WITH CHAD JAY. FRIENDS ONLY. THANK YOU. PLUS...FOR LIKE THE MILLIONTH TIME, IT WAS WHEN I HAD A BOYFRIEND WHO MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME. I WOULD NEVER TO ANYTHING TO RUIN THAT RELATIONSHIP.

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE...IT'S REALLY NOT FUNNY ANYMORE. I COULD KEEP GOING.

I DO NOT CHEAT.

I DO NOT LIE.

AND ANYTHING ELSE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING...IS MOST LIKELY BULLSHIT. SO...IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS THEY WANT ME TO CLEAR UP...JUST ASK. I WILL TELL YOU THE TRUTH. NO MATTER IF I AM PROUD OF IT, IF I REGRET IT, OR ANYTHING ELSE. JUST TAKE THE TIME TO ACTUALLY GET THE STORY STRAIGHT INSTEAD OF ASSUMING THINGS AND GOING BY OCEAN SPRINGS BULLSHIT.

and probably...if all this bullshit wasn't said. i would be happy right now. i would still have patrick (the best fucking thing that ever happend to me). i would still have some friends i've lost. it just hurts...so much because i know what i have done. i am the only one that knows the truth. and no matter what i say, no matter what i do, nobody will believe me. probably the only people that believe me are jim and ashes. it kills me. but...that's ocean springs bullshit. i have morals. all of this hurts. more than anyone knows.

<3 mollie renee carraghan

 


Current Mood: irateirate
Current Music: how bout...me CRYING

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12:45 pm - the worst is over...you can have the best of me...

the worst is over...you can have the best of me...

yesterday, my world came crashing down. it was horrible. definitely had a really rough time. i went to ash's at about 4. we left her house about 9. went to po boy. got food. ate a hammerhead, chips, and french fries. yeah. i'm a cow. sat around. watched lemony snicket and clerks. i LOVE randall heath jolley, mike MARTIN jones, dallas, asshole jason, country gass joe, j millah, jerin, j...and ASH the most. she's the best. the only girl that won't ever do me wrong. :) :) i love you. thanks for being there for me yesterday. it was really scary. i can't believe that happend. i was so lucky. last night cheered me up...i guess. i mean, i couldn't stop thinking about it, but i guess i was distracted. :) it was a good night, considering how i was feeling. definitely cozy with the rain. i liked. the rockers are so nice. definitely chill. i love it. east beach. jet skis. what. i got home at about 1. and i woke up this mornin at 8 to get ready for the doctor. definitely not a good experience. that's all i am going to say right now. i'm still really upset. then i went to see my ASHES at government. me and emma ate at a table by ourselves. and mom, ev, and matt ate at another one. definitely proud of ASHES. haaaaaaaaa. can't say anymore than that. :) :) :) asshole. i need to talk to jim. really really bad. well now im watchin emma until gram gets back from the office. if you need anything, call the house.

<3 mollie
(milf in training)


Current Mood: okayokay
Current Music: The Starting Line - Best Of Me

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May 31st, 2005


02:24 pm - i wish you still loved me...

i wish you still loved me...

dear patrick,
i love you. with every peice of my heart. every bone in my body. every breath i take. i love you. no matter what happens with us, i will always have a place for you in my heart. no one can take that away from me. i will always love you. even if you decide you don't want to be with me, it will kill me, but i will know that it is what you wanted and needed and you will be better for that. i can't sleep. i can't eat. every night i dream about you, and wake up with tears pouring down my face. i have never felt this way about someone before. it is killing me. i just don't know what to do. i know you need time, but...i am just so scared that i'm going to get hurt waiting for something that will never happen. i know it will work. i just don't know how to show you. or prove it to you. you just got to have a little faith.in god and in me. just read corinthians. you know the verses. i am so mad about all the bullshit that went on. it is breaking my heart that it is ruining us. it hurts so bad. and there is nothing more that i want right now than to have you back...like things should be. just to touch you. hug you. kiss you. just be with you. i miss that so much. i can't even begin to explain it. and it is horrible because i don't talk to anybody anymore. all i do is cry. it sucks to hear a song at work and then have to go to the bathroom and cry for 20 minutes. i'll see something that reminds me of you and i'll cry. it is horrible. i hate it. i just want to be with you. it's where i think i should be. i would never do anything to hurt you. never in a million years. i just wish you would belive that. i would rather you be happy, and me hurt than you have one minute of pain. and i know, all of this has been hard for you too. i know you cared about me a lot. you treated me better than i have ever been treated...probably better than i truly deserve. i respect you so much for that. and i will be forever grateful. if things don't work out, i just want to thank you for all that you have done for me. you taught me so many lessons. you taught me to laugh again. you taught me how to love life...even when it gets tough. you taught me to feel good about who i am. you taught me so much more. i can't even keep going. you are an amazing person. and any girl would be so lucky to have you as their own. you deserve the world. as much as it breaks my heart to say this...maybe i just couldn't give it to you. if you gave me a chance, i would try my best. i want you to be happy, even if that means us being over. i will have to deal with that. i will be ok. i just want you to think about what you want. what you need. and what will make you happy. i'm glad for the times we had. all the memories. if its over, just do something for me...don't forget them. just know...i love you. i will forever.

love,
your angel

if that didn't make any sense just read this song. it says all the things i want to say...but just can't get out. i love you.

it's not easy saying this to you
it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do
but boy before you go
i want you to know

i wish you strength
when times are hard
oh i wish with all my heart you find just what you're lookin for
i wish you joy
i wish you peace
and that every star you see's within your reach
and i wish you still loved me

i wish things were different you know that
but i'm still happy for the times we had
you mean the world to me
oh baby please believe

i wish you strength
when times are hard
oh i wish with all my heart you find just what you're lookin for
i wish you joy
i wish you peace
and that every star you see's within your reach
and i wish you still loved me

losing you is tearing me apart
but a part of me will be with you no matter where you are

i wish you strength
when times are hard
oh i wish with all my heart you find just what you're lookin for
i wish you joy
i wish you peace
and that every star you see's within your reach
and i wish you still loved me

i wish you still loved me...

i love you.


Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Jo De Messina - I Wish

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May 29th, 2005


12:45 am - steal my breath...

steal my breath...

i don't know what to do anymore. he was the best thing that ever happend to me. the most positive thing i have ever had in my life. i love him with all my heart. and yet again...i lost him. over lies. the worst part is, i care about him, more than life itself, and i know good and damn well that it is up to him to decide. i know what i have done, i know what i haven't done and it is breaking my heart to know that lies are going to ruin this. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to say. there is no way to make it better. no one believes me. he won't belive me. it hurts, more than anyone knows. it is killing me. just like the first time, he is going by what he hears. and not by the truth. but inevidably, in the end, it is up to him. it's scary to know that. i have morals. i don't cheat. i don't lie. i just wish he would believe that...

just to let you know, no matter what happens, i love you, whether you want to believe it or not. i love you more than anything else in this world. nothing will ever change that. even if you never believe the truth...and i have to cry myself to sleep everynight, i will always love you...

it hurts, more than anything, to lose someone that meant everything to you...

my world came crashing down...i hit rock bottom...and there is no way to get up from this one. i lost the one and only thing that mattered in life. i'm lost without you.

tonight is not the night. my heart hurts. more than ever. i'm numb...

<3 mollie
(brokenheart)


Current Mood: numbnumb
Current Music: Edwin McCain - I'll Be

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