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i wish you still loved me... - crash into me...

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May 31st, 2005


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02:24 pm - i wish you still loved me...

i wish you still loved me...

dear patrick,
i love you. with every peice of my heart. every bone in my body. every breath i take. i love you. no matter what happens with us, i will always have a place for you in my heart. no one can take that away from me. i will always love you. even if you decide you don't want to be with me, it will kill me, but i will know that it is what you wanted and needed and you will be better for that. i can't sleep. i can't eat. every night i dream about you, and wake up with tears pouring down my face. i have never felt this way about someone before. it is killing me. i just don't know what to do. i know you need time, but...i am just so scared that i'm going to get hurt waiting for something that will never happen. i know it will work. i just don't know how to show you. or prove it to you. you just got to have a little faith.in god and in me. just read corinthians. you know the verses. i am so mad about all the bullshit that went on. it is breaking my heart that it is ruining us. it hurts so bad. and there is nothing more that i want right now than to have you back...like things should be. just to touch you. hug you. kiss you. just be with you. i miss that so much. i can't even begin to explain it. and it is horrible because i don't talk to anybody anymore. all i do is cry. it sucks to hear a song at work and then have to go to the bathroom and cry for 20 minutes. i'll see something that reminds me of you and i'll cry. it is horrible. i hate it. i just want to be with you. it's where i think i should be. i would never do anything to hurt you. never in a million years. i just wish you would belive that. i would rather you be happy, and me hurt than you have one minute of pain. and i know, all of this has been hard for you too. i know you cared about me a lot. you treated me better than i have ever been treated...probably better than i truly deserve. i respect you so much for that. and i will be forever grateful. if things don't work out, i just want to thank you for all that you have done for me. you taught me so many lessons. you taught me to laugh again. you taught me how to love life...even when it gets tough. you taught me to feel good about who i am. you taught me so much more. i can't even keep going. you are an amazing person. and any girl would be so lucky to have you as their own. you deserve the world. as much as it breaks my heart to say this...maybe i just couldn't give it to you. if you gave me a chance, i would try my best. i want you to be happy, even if that means us being over. i will have to deal with that. i will be ok. i just want you to think about what you want. what you need. and what will make you happy. i'm glad for the times we had. all the memories. if its over, just do something for me...don't forget them. just know...i love you. i will forever.

love,
your angel

if that didn't make any sense just read this song. it says all the things i want to say...but just can't get out. i love you.

it's not easy saying this to you
it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do
but boy before you go
i want you to know

i wish you strength
when times are hard
oh i wish with all my heart you find just what you're lookin for
i wish you joy
i wish you peace
and that every star you see's within your reach
and i wish you still loved me

i wish things were different you know that
but i'm still happy for the times we had
you mean the world to me
oh baby please believe

i wish you strength
when times are hard
oh i wish with all my heart you find just what you're lookin for
i wish you joy
i wish you peace
and that every star you see's within your reach
and i wish you still loved me

losing you is tearing me apart
but a part of me will be with you no matter where you are

i wish you strength
when times are hard
oh i wish with all my heart you find just what you're lookin for
i wish you joy
i wish you peace
and that every star you see's within your reach
and i wish you still loved me

i wish you still loved me...

i love you.


Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Jo De Messina - I Wish

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